Protect Your Self-Esteem From Social Media
I initially wrote this before “The Social Dilemma” came out on Netflix, because I felt that it’s important to protect your self-esteem from social media. I added “You’re the Product” after watching it, because the addictive nature is so carefully crafted. This needs discussed openly, and social media platforms need accountability for their manipulation, because it comes with a social cost. Right now it’s up to us to safeguard our families. That starts with protecting our self esteem from social media.
My kids fell into that era of young cell phone users that I think of as the lab rats. We didn’t know the effects, but parents were putting phones in their hands because we could. My kids got phones years later than their peers. I don’t mean that as a humble brag, rather, it was economics. I thought it was more important to spend money on piano lessons and activities than phones. They didn’t need phones, if kids actually really need them. I knew where they were, because I drove them everywhere. If I had a parenting do-over, my 7th grader wouldn’t have gotten a phone when her 10th grade brother got his.
Pride and Pinterest
Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Snapchat, and Reddit have become a way of life. They can be wonderful tools connecting people and sharing ideas, but we can give away bits of self-esteem without noticing. I want to help you avoid the subtle energy drains and passive negativity that can creep into your life without you noticing. It’s easier to see the need for change in another, because wounded pride isn’t at stake. Honest self-assessment is an act of courage.
The Comparison Trap
It’s like window shopping for a life you don’t have, and it can lead to harsh comparisons and dissatisfaction. When you compare your home, body, clothes, cooking, travel, exercise, diet, parenting: your entire lifestyle – to a carefully staged, curated, and fabricated version all engineered to look glamorous and worry-free, you’re going to find your reality lacking. That’s because reality isn’t worry-free or glamorous. We can protect our self-esteem from social media by recognizing what is fiction masquerading as reality.
Reality Is Messy
All those beautiful pictures show in vivid detail what you don’t have. You have dirty dishes, dust, shoes by the front door, trash day, oil changes: the miscellany of a life lived. And you don’t have a photographer following you to shoot those photos of your back while you look out at the world with one hand casually combing your flowing, beach- waved hair. (Fun fact: I know that person with the gorgeous hair, traveling the world, with someone taking the beautiful photos of her, and she’s a flight attendant.)
Find the Balance
Before you swear off social media, may I suggest there’s a middle ground, a more balanced approach. (Unless you really hate these platforms – then more power to you.) However, closing Facebook won’t stop media influence, because media is still all around us. Any of it can have a negative effect. We have the ultimate control, because we have power over our mindset about media and outside influences.
Follow the Leader
Most importantly, kids need you to set an example, because they’re growing up in an age of heavy social media consumption. Screen time and social media use has been linked to depression and anxiety in teens and adolescents according to a study in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry. How can you set rules and teach them boundaries for using these tools if you hide from them? It’s not likely that a child will forego social media because a parent does. They need your help learning healthy boundaries and attitudes. They need you to model healthy usage. Furthermore, they need to know that you are present and watching out for them just like you do in all other areas of their lives.
You’re the Product
What makes social media so much more insidious is that it’s designed to get you to spend more and more of your time looking at it. These platforms aren’t free. You’re the product, or rather, your attention and gradually changing your behavior to give it more attention is the real product. Advertisers are the customers. The saying goes, “If you’re not paying for it, you’re not the customer. You’re the product.” Facebook and other platforms are engineered much like slot machines, using variable rewards, which hooks gamblers and keeps people repeatedly checking their phones because there may be some new bit of social approval. Knowing this, and that many on the developer side have struggled with addiction and are speaking out, can help you set boundaries with technology.
Media Mindfulness
So what’s the answer? How do you stop from getting caught up in the comparison trap or even reverse it without going on a total media fast? Here are techniques for Mindful Media Consumption to help you take control and adjust your perception and protects your self-esteem from social media today! These may be smart tools, but you’re smarter, because you know that addictions are unhealthy, and your health is #1.
5 Tips to Protect Your Self-Esteem From Social Media
Be Gentle – Make a promise to yourself that you’ll stop judging yourself harshly. Think of something wonderful about you. C’mon. . . admit it. You’re pretty amazing! So what if your home doesn’t look like a blog shoot? Theirs doesn’t really either. Smoke and mirrors
Be Grateful – Being happy with what you have is the best antidote. Like Cheryl Crow said in “Soak Up the Sun”, “It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.” If you’re having a hard time feeling grateful, gratitude journaling rocks for getting your head on straight about this. This is a fantastic use of Pinterest! Make a Gratitude Board. Refocus the lens through which you view pinning.
Be Real – Pin realistic projects for you, not some master craftsman (unless that really is you). We all love the circle of swings, but does that stand any serious chance of sprouting in your yard? I had a board called, “If I Had Millions”. I put all sorts of crazy stuff in there until I deleted the board because it was ludicrous. Maybe Ludicrous is a good board name for stuff like that.
Be Selective – Think minimalism or the Joy of Tidying Up and keep only the useful or ones that make you happy. I deleted “If I Had Millions” because I don’t. Gone and not missed. Do you have boards adding no value? Delete: it’s a thing. Afraid of losing followers? They aren’t your tribe if you do.
Be Proactive – Seek positive topics to uplift, encourage, and build you and others up. My “Better With Age” board reminds me that beauty and style have zero to do with age and wrinkles which adds a healthy dose of perspective. I need that, because I am NOT excited about wrinkles. After you seek the positive, share it on all the platforms, because we all need to be uplifted in between kitten videos and One Does Not Simply Memes.
